Her sister’s words rang through her that morning straight into the next day. Pregnant. So final and real. She always knew that it would happen. She just never prepared herself for that/this moment. It was here. It was happening. A baby.
It is not the first time she felt shone up by her little sister nor would it be the last. Her sister , despite exhausting problems, always received. It never failed. Fate was never for her but her sister. She wanted a family, a partner, children, to be in love instead she was dealing with her father’s lack of interest, poor choices and lack of options with boyfriends, and the curse that her granny told her; ” children love you thus you will never have your own”. Overall, the short end of the stick.
On many occasions she pushed forward and others she hid in her shell. She felt forgotten and undesirable. They say what you feel is what you call into your atmosphere. In truth despite of what you feel life makes you what you shall be. In her case, her current and continuous mood was hunger.
She hungered by the minute. She hungered to be in love , to be noticed, to be taken seriously, to have an easy day, to finally step out of level 1 and into level 2,3,4. She hungered to plant roots, have a dog or two, to be somewhere and know it’s her home.
It was an obsession, a fantasy with no reality….a constant letdown. At times she thought she made it only to be again on level one. Even her hair would tease her. She really wants big curly hair. She craves hair that could be wild and free yet tame-ish and elegant.
She wants to win.
Her career has finally shown potential yet there is a major hurdle preventing the moment of exhale. She thinks of how she would finally buy a house with this exhale. Get a dog, and shop with a truth. She thinks of how her life would improve at least financially. She hopes and is afraid. She feels sick often thinking of this.
She is getting older and worries about her eggs. Could she every make a child. Another being with ten finger and ten toes, a face that may resemble her own . She wonders if there would ever be love in her life. A partner of pleasure and friendship. A co-conspirator in this constant world wind called life. Would the fates ever allow. Would God ever have mercy on her? She wonders these things daily. They are an obsession.
She is going to be an aunt.
Aw this story is sad, happy, sad again, happy, sad. 😦
But being an Aunt is pretty amazing, and you’ll have your own one day. Plus you get to practice on your niece or nephew and by the time your own kids are here, you’re an expert.
It is bittersweet sweet moment. There is three of us. We always knew she would be pregnant and married because she has a healthy relationship going on 7 years. It’s just a strange feeling. Of course, I will be an amazing aunt. This baby is the only in our family thus he/she will be uber spolied.
I teach elementary, I have obtained a ton of experience with children thus the reason my grandmother said the “curse”. It’s an old wives tale from the Caribbean. Although, I say I don’t believe , it is still in the back of my mind. (Damn Caribbean Superstition!!)
To a degree I feel that I should be first; even she wanted me to be first. However, I have never been in a healthy relationship, partial good ones yet none with longevity. Living in Italy doesn’t make it any easy either.
Thanks for reading 🙂